He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
He has the fingertips of a God
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