Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
this will be a night to untag.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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