im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
