Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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