You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
