Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
