I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
