i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
