Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
