whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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