im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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