I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
