whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
