I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
