he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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