my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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