He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
