the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Screwed.edu
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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