not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
