Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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