Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
