Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...