R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
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i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
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I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.