Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy