But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
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she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
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Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.