So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
