He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
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I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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