last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
