I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
