When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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