he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
