so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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