she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
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just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
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I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.