can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
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Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
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The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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