btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
