i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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