dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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