I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
my liver is dry heaving
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
