If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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