How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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