im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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