I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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