it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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