remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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