First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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