there was a trapeze. enough said
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
