so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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