If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
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