College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
