i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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