Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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