i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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