Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
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found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
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He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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