Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
