dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
