My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
