I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
