I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
