genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
