How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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