i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
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I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
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We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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