idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
