May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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