Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
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