I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
