So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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