she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
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I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
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5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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