i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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