You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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