Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
